Let's talk about this. Seriously. So, if you've been under a rock for the past couple of weeks, there's a video that is circulating around with the nickname "#ForeverDuncan" and it's another one of those "sappy proposal" videos that have overhauled the internet. Everyone is in absolute awe of this beautiful couple and how amazing their love story seems. Now, don't get me wrong, anyone who knows me knows that I am an ALL-OUT romantic. I absolutely LIVE for the slow kisses, sweet nothings, and infinite happiness in a relationship. It's dope as fuck. However, I'm also a realist in that same vein and I appreciate when couples experience (and also show) the hardships they have been through to get to that seemingly final level of love that we all yearn for. First, watch the video (if you haven't seen it) below:
My issue with the #ForeverDuncan proposal/wedding video is that it only captures a snapshot of this couple's relationship. We have NO idea what kinds of crazy shit went on between these two to get them to this point. All we are seeing is the finished product and in this "insta-era" we live in, for most of us that's enough to have us waving our fingers in our boyfriend's faces and accusing them of not loving us enough if they don't give us a "Forever Duncan" wedding. Ladies, stop.
There's already enough pressure on Black men AND women to produce perfect "against-all-odds" relationships for the world to see. Trust me, I got wrapped up in a lot of that in my last relationship myself. Just simply feeling like we had to prove to the world that Black people DO love each other romantically and we got so wrapped up in that IMAGE that we forgot to ACTUALLY love each other. We hear the whispers day in and day out about how much shit you have to go through to love a Black man or woman. Shit like "daddy issues", "baby mama drama", "triflin niggas", "gold-diggers", etc. and every reason in between as to why we can't love right. So, there is pressure for us to go hard in the paint to prove a point and it's unfair to strive for that.
Let me be clear here, it's a great thing to be happy and feel fulfilled, appreciated, and loved in a relationship. If you're a Black woman or man who loves a Black woman or man, please FEEL FREE to show that! We need more positive images and love is about freeing yourself. But part of freeing yourself in a relationship is also being able to free your truths as well (as ugly as they might be). If sometimes you just ain't feelin' your man like that because he's getting on your nerves or vice versa, it's okay to show that you're disagreeing with each other. I'm not saying put your business out there (that's messy...) but I am saying that portraying perfection all the time is detrimental. It's detrimental to the people IN the relationship and also creates a false view for people OUT of the relationship.
Ultimately, a relationship is for YOU. So, the moral of the story is...don't get wrapped up in other's relationships to the point where you're believing all the hype they put out. Again, this couple is clearly in love and happy but no one knows what kind of trials and tribulations they went through to even get down that aisle. Focus on YOU!